"I made a fake profile on a dating site"

So, I made a fake profile on a dating site
and I decided that the profile should look
a bit like Audrey Hepburn because it might
draw in some glances without writing a book -

and maybe if I let it go I could record
the awful attempts that men often advance
and draw out a few joking comics to accord
the myth that men most often think with their pants.

And I whipped it up and slapped on a picture
of some adorable portrait found on the net
and before I could answer even two Q's I capture
the first man's attempt at trying to connect.

No joke, this is how it went, unedited:

"So I clicked your pic because of your eyes -
but sadly to my surprise,
I only saw a few words written to describe.

Ok, so poetry isn't my strong suit,
but I do speak the truth.
I'd love to hear more about you,
if you'd care to share."

Poetry isn't his suit but eagerness must be
he sent that message in under ten minutes
but he's not alone as they all clamored to know "me"
and I began to learn why so sacred are digits.

Now, I've got to be honest with you all
I felt a bit jealous - my real profile gets nothing
when compared to this imposter. and the gall -
of women to say dating is hard - they're fooling!

Here's how you do it:

Slap up a pretty picture and you get a line
Admit a few hobbies and they'll kneel down low
Hint at horizontal prowess and they'll whine
Fish with an interest they'll pretend to know.

And BAM - you've got like fourty two men
waiting to buy you dinner and drinks.
Fill out a page with slight admittance of sin
and get meals for weeks - by just sending winks.

And they kept coming in:

"I thought that was actually audrey, keep up the good work."

"You are gorgeous! that is all."

"So when you buying me dinner?"

- seriously?

"Hey, you're really cute."

"I'm pretty much tons of fun."

"I'm here for the hot chocolate. If you don't respond right away, I'll know that you were in a coffee or tea mood."

- now that's at least clever -

- and finally, no joke at all -

"How much does a polar bear weigh?"

... ... ...

Inbox inundated with Juno-esque lines
I began to percieve a problem steady unfolding -
All these clever blokes are jumping in time
Bouncing like Tigger in a Winnie remixing.

Their attention is short, seldom over a paragraph
From one page to another they cast the hook
Probably sending over thirty eight and a half
Like ADD rabbits in some strange romance book.

But guys, I gotta be honest with you all.
We performed better than I expected us to.
I was counting on creepers but we stood tall -
Most of the lines were not terribly rude.

In fact - I felt sort of bad about this device
See, so many men were sending their words
and some of the guys seemed decent and nice.
I felt sorry for those not sincerely heard.

So another experiment I right there began.
I started a blog to record the worst men.
To tease terrible lines was the honest plan
but those who seemed nice, to the joke, I'd let in.

We'd all share a laugh making light of the jerks -
And go on our way hoping to find love -
And maybe we'd even learn from the worst -
And fly above scum like a pearl white dove!

So I sent the link out to only one fellow,
the address to that blog so he'd not be led on,
but then 'anonymous' raged with one hell of a bellow.
It seems his head was not level like some rasta-mon'

This is what he sent, unedited:

"Your egotism and the ability to make yourself seem smarter and better then you are disgusts me. You think I'm on that stupid site so I can be an experiment to this idiotic pathetic blog site? I was being sincere so yeah, your a jerk and this site is a jerk and your going to have jerk children. You will just plop out these jerk bags and then you will have completed your mission of over populating the world with more jerk babies being one big jerk family. I hope I don't run into more con artist, yuppie, wanna be artsytartsy types like your Jerk self."

And I thought well now. I wonder what - his - favourite kind of chicken is?

That's when I realized something terrifying.
That all of these men sending these clever clips -
Could be psychotic assholes one nudge from flying
Far off into angry, ranting, jerk-laden quips.

And if being let IN on a joke results in this -
from some guy who seemed not only nice but artistic -
what would they do then to their dearest miss
in some future quarrel - which with love is intrinsic?

And then like a freight train I was hit with a shock
of some understanding uncomfortably gained.
So I took down the profile and stopped all the crock -
took up a pen, furrowed my brow, and then strained

To write out some moral with rhyming restrictions
like, "Men are deceptively normal 'till they turn violent,"
or, "You can never tell who's hiding what sort of sins."
But I came up confused and hardly content.

See I learned how easy it can be to lie,
and how simple it can be to anger my kind,
and how like traversing a minefield it is to try,
to find someone sensible while keeping in mind

that your body's a magnet attracting beehives.
We men all fly at you while hiding a stinger.
Our romantic words and our scruffy-chic eyes
mask that what's true for the bee might be true for our gender.

We all seem to sting at least once before we can truly be kind -
even if after the prick our next big move is to die.
What separates the good man from the dispicable minds
is being able to love while truly disarmed, and with a limited life.

And it's uncomfortable to see such necessary pain,
but I made a fake profile on a dating site for a laugh
and instead came away with a thought that I'll name:
"The Bitter-Sweet Love Equation," though it don't involve math.

It goes a bit like this:

We, as a species, seem the most beautiful after we've had a chance to be ugly. We seem capable of honesty only after we've truly lied. We seem to understand love only after we've broken hearts. And how we learn from experience is both our greatest strength, and weakness.

Basically it means that once we've been terrible there is always a chance to be wonderful.

And for the love of all, we have to take it.